Thursday, April 29, 2010

everything is new

In a card sent to me on Saint Patrick's Day by my Aunt, she reminded me that "with each sunrise, we start anew..."

I think this is very true and a gift indeed that can be often be missed if one does not take the time to ponder and meditate on it, stepping outside of busy, daily happenings and quieting oneself. Is this not the case with most beauties in this world, that they can be so easily passed by?

Even living on this farm, a large piece of beautifully set land, I frequently do not take the time to sit and awe at all that is around me, all the seemingly hidden intricacies. To go on a walk along the winding stream, to paint sunsets sitting with my canvass and brush on the high pasture, to stand next to a cow and watch it eat, or simply to lie in the grass if not for a few minutes and take it all in; but I can't say I've really done anything of this. I remember when I first arrived in February, the feeling I would get opening the door in the early morn and gazing upon the old barn coupled with an unworked field and old silo. It was something beautiful and new. Even more, it was to serve as a constant reminder to not forget where I am and how much of a privilege it is to be here. But, just as easily as that door was opened, so quickly did I forget what this was all about.

Since beginning this venture, it seems like each day is busier and often more strenuous than the last, that rest, both emotional and physical, have become expendable. The busy life certainly has contributed to my failure to soak it in, but I think it is primarily a result of self consummation. You see, in the colder months of this year, before a seed was in the ground, the first row was tilled, or before any of this had a name, we sat down to lay out a philosophy, set goals, and cast a vision of what this farm was to be. We set out with the goal of making this a profitable business, but more than anything that we and this place be used to benefit others, that those with whom we come in to contact be blessed in some way through what we were doing here, whether friends or strangers. It was not to be about us, but them.

But, April is almost over, and for the majority of these long days, this vision is the farthest thing from the front of my mind. Instead I'm thinking about what has to be done next, frustrated that there do not seem to be enough hours available in the day or worried if I'm even in the right place at this time in my life. Basically, it's all about myself. Maybe it's not the case for most people, but I can get so caught up in things that are not important and let that control me. This is what I mean by self consummation. When this happen, I can see (and often times it takes a while to see) all my attention on myself, my desires, my worries, my reputation. In this there is no hope. It is not how it should be, nor how it has to be. Has not the Lord, freed me from the burden of all the evil that is in me. Are we not called to live joyful lives as those released from bondage?

Therefore, let us all take joy in each day and remind ourselves of the great pleasure and privilege it is to do what we're doing at this point in our lives, to be put in this position to learn, mature, adventure, and perhaps most importantly be utilized to share this life with others. Let us not miss the beauty around us by getting caught up in ourselves. I know a battle exists, not only for me, but for everyone, between that which is good and free and the constraint of our nature. Fortunately the Lord uses us even in our weakness to bring Himself glory. In that, He will not fail. For the Sun is gracious and has risen that we may start anew.


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